Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
