Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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