Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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