I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
