Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I still have a little drunk in my system
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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