Your face is a jimmy john
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
