Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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