I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
