I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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