I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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