He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
