Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
