You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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