she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
