you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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