i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
sex in a hospital.. check
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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