Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
