sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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