I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
