I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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