Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
