i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
