shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
