What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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