Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
