WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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