you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
