I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize