The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
