Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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