Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
