just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
