We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Even my vagina gasped.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
