i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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