Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
