I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am naked and annoyed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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