We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
