i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
