Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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