i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
