It's Friday. Sex?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
