he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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