alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
