Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
