Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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