Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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