I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
