My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
