On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
