Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
