you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i've created a new STD.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
