i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
