So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize