could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
