I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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