i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
