my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
