so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
