good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
