she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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