help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
