hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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