yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
