Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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