God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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