I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
