just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
