I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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