There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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