You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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