hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The struggles of a small town man whore
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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