so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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