well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
