He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
