our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
