dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize