my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
