The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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