JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
