I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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