Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
