I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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