new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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