So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
