I hate all girls vehemently.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
