like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
