also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
