i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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