i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
