I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
