Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
