i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
