True but thats because hes a fetus.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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