im about as happy as oj after his trial
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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