did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize