tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
