being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
