She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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