i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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