I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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