is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
