dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
