I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
