i'm lost and i look like a hooker
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
