His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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