An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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