Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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