i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
