I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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